Stuck inside my own head

thugkitchen:

Getting ready for Cinco de fucking Mayo? It’s one of my favorite holidays for bad decisions. This year you might make a couple shitty judgment calls but don’t start with your margarita mix. You see how many goddamn ingredients are in those fuckers? Red 40? WHATTHEFUCKISTHAT? Artificial flavors? GO FUCK YOURSELF. Don’t be serving up disrespectful drinks.  

 

STRAWBERRY GRAPEFRUIT MARGARITA

¾ cup tequila (optional, but who are you kidding?)

¾ cup grapefruit juice (about 1 grapefruit)

¼ cup lime juice (about 3 limes)

1 cup frozen strawberries (whole strawberries are really fucking hard to measure. It was about 8 medium sized strawberries but extra won’t hurt a thing)

1 ½ cups ice 

Blend that shit up. 

If your fruit wasn’t super sweet you might need to add a little something extra like a teaspoon or two of whateverthefuck sweetener you like to use is fine. Personally I like agave but you can use honey or sugar. Serve this up immediately.

 

Make about 32 ounces, enough to relax 2 people

thugkitchen:

THERE’S SO MUCH GOD DAMN SPINACH in this shit even Popeye can’t hate. Yeah spinach makes you swoll as fuck, we know that. But did you know just one cup of spinach is over 300% of your daily recommended Vitamin A? Sweet fuck. You worried about acne? Wrinkles? Any other skin shit? Spinach to the mother fucking rescue. That shit keeps your skin looking so fresh and so clean, not to mention helping to prevent skin cancer. Spinach has these plant-based compounds called “flavonoids” that not only repair damaged skin but also fight multiple types of cancer. Everybody knows I ain’t even fucking playing when it comes to dick cancer, I gotta have my shit in tact.

IF YOU SMOKE cigarettes (tumblr crew I’m looking at you), DO NOT take any Vitamin A or beta carotene supplements. Studies have shown that combining those supplements with tobacco drastically increases your risk for lung cancer. But then again, smoking drastically increases your risk for lung cancer. So quit that shit.

You want to make this shit at home and tell Jamba Juice they can go fuck themselves by not paying for their high calorie sugary shit? Recipe below for a Thug Kitchen Original:

SPINACH COOLER
Ectoplasm free and Dr. Venkman approved

• 2 handfuls of spinach (about 2 cups)
• 2 frozen bananas
• 1 cup chopped and skinned cucumber
• 4 medium chunks of pineapple
• 1 cup coconut water or tap
  
• 1/4 cup orange juice
• 1 tablespoon flax oil (optional)
• 6-8 mint leaves (optional, but I dig that shit)
• yields ~20 ounces

Toss that shit in a blender and zap it. If you prefer it a little sweeter, add some more pineapple to that shit. DRINK UP, CHAMP.

Seriously though, fuck Jamba Juice. Only they could make smoothies as unhealthy as McDonald’s made oatmeal.